


balance

by mxmyth



Series: Eternal Winter Campaign [7]
Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Burns, Character Death, Eternal Winter campaign, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Guilt, Hurt No Comfort, Self-Harm, Silver needs a hug, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-06
Updated: 2020-03-06
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:55:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 440
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23042107
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mxmyth/pseuds/mxmyth
Summary: Pain was an old friend of hers, and it came so easily.
Series: Eternal Winter Campaign [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636795
Kudos: 3





	balance

To be nostalëtya was to seek balance. To both hurt and to heal; to know when to defend and when to attack; to nurture what should grow and cut back what shouldn't. When the natural world was out of order it was a druid's duty to set it right. But what could Silver do when things were so far out of alignment that she couldn't fix it? When right turned out to be wrong and wrong was right, and she was the one who had upset the balance? 

Cinder was dead. There was no fixing that. Silver had tried, she had tried with everything in her, but she hadn't been strong enough to save them. Her love was never enough. Her hands were red with the blood of those whom she had thought needed to be cut back, but who should have been protected. That couldn't be fixed, either. She had been lied to, and like the fool she was she had believed. Lives were lost and it was her fault. It was all so familiar. If she had been more clever, more wise, if she hadn't…

But she hadn't been, and she did. There was no undoing it and there was no going back. There was nothing to do but to put one foot in front of the other and keep moving. They had a chance, Zada and Deria and she, to begin to make amends. It was more than most people got and it was more than she deserved. They would avenge Cinder. They would end Azarin's life and her lies with it. They had to, and they didn't have time to slow down.

When the grief, the remorse, the hatred, and the fear all formed a maelstrom that threatened to pull her down into the dark, Silver knew what to do. Pain was an old friend of hers, and it came so easily. With an effortless gesture she could summon pale green flames into her palm and watch them flicker, familiar and comforting. It was nothing to press those flames against her arm so that a raw red burn curled across her skin, to let the pain wash over her until she could focus again. It was nearly as easy to heal herself afterwards. With her magic she could return branded skin to perfect smoothness, so that not even Zada would be able to tell what she was doing to keep from sinking.

To be a druid was to both hurt and to heal. Until she could find some way to redeem herself or some reason to forgive herself, she would continue to walk that blade’s edge.

**Author's Note:**

> Just Silver is mine, Cinder belongs to Leanne, Deria belongs to Maeve, and Zada belongs to Goldie. The world they adventure in is mastered by the lovely Potato.


End file.
